Do you feel like putting a bullet through your head every time your boss tells you to "quarterback this one for me, champ"? Do you find yourself resisting the urge to put a chokehold on colleagues who use the phrases "on the same page" or "no-brainer" or "going forward" in a sentence? Are you often tempted to tamper with the messages on the motivational signs HR posts around the office? Or to plant subliminal messages in the legal disclaimer that's attached to every e-mail you send? Well, then Officespeak is the book for you! This hilarious, tongue-in-cheek guide to deciphering and manipulating the language of the workplace includes such helpful hints as:
The best (and worst) answers to the question, "What's your biggest weakness?"
Sprucing up your job title and personalizing your business cards
Being "swamped" and other key phrases for diverting responsibility
Making up verbs to convey power, decisiveness, and initiative in the boardroom
Mastering the fine art of interrupting with such foolproof expressions as "good point" and "borrriiinnnggg"
AND MANY MORE! Just remember, there's no "I" in team... but there sure as hell is one in "You're hired!"
D. W. MARTIN spends his days working in book publishing and his nights writing and performing comedy at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York City. Even though he has won seven Nobel Prizes, he is most proud of being the runner-up Employee of the Month in April 1997. His high school senior class voted him Most Likely to Write a Memo. How true!