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Programmed for Laughs

A Robot Joke Book

Illustrated by Lily Nishita


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About The Book

In this joke book companion to the hilarious and offbeat motion picture The Mitchells vs. the Machines from Sony Pictures Animation, robots Eric and Deborahbot 5000 team up to write robot jokes with side-splitting results!

When the delightfully dysfunctional Mitchell family’s road trip is interrupted by a worldwide tech uprising, they join forces with two hilarious malfunctioning robots to save humanity before it’s too late. In this book, robots Eric and Deborahbot 5000 form a team of their own as they crack jokes about the Mitchell family’s accidental heroism and what the robot apocalypse is really like.

This laugh-out-loud joke book will leave readers of all ages snorting, spitting out their drinks, and otherwise malfunctioning!


Take Me to Your Leader!: Robot Jokes TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER! ROBOT JOKES
Why were the baby robots crying?

They missed their mama and data.

Why are Deborahbot 5000 and Eric so good at tennis?

They are programmed to serve.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?

Heavy metal!

Why was the robot so sad at summer camp?

He missed his father and motherboard.

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?


Robots who?


Why couldn’t the robot catch any butterflies?

He couldn’t seem to make the network.

How did the robot graduate from school so fast?

It kept getting upgraded.

Why was the baby robot alone with its mama?

Because its data was missing.

Why did the robot have to go back to school?

Because its skills were getting a little rusty!

Why did the robot go to the doctor?

Because it had a virus!

What’s a robot’s favorite dance?

Doing “The Human.”

How does a robot spider capture an entire planet?

With a world wide web.

What’s a robot spider’s favorite meal?

Programming bugs.

What do robot spiders do once they’ve caught their prey?

They upload them to their website.

How do robot spiders take their family pictures?

With their webcam.

Why did the robot keep going to the dentist?

Because of its Bluetooth.

What’s a robot’s favorite thing to order at a Mexican restaurant?

Microchips and salsa.

Why was Deborahbot 5000 mad?

People kept pushing her buttons!

What did the robot do when it was sick to its stomach?

It uploaded its lunch.

Did you hear about the robot that lost its shoes?

It had to reboot!

How does a robot’s body fight off computer viruses?

With white blood cellphones.

What pests do robot dogs hate the most?

Robofleas and robo-ticks.

Who is a robot’s favorite author?

Anne Droid!

What did the robot coach say to give its team a pep talk?

“You all need to get with the programmers!”

Why should you tell robots all your secrets?

Because they will keep them on the download.

Why did Eric and Deborahbot 5000 have trouble communicating with each other?

They got their wires crossed.

Why couldn’t the little robot ride the roller coaster?

He was too short-circuited.

How do robots roast marshmallows?

Over a Wi-Fire.

What did the doctor tell the robot about its diet?

“Be sure you eat plenty of Wi-Fiber.”

What did the robot do when it felt sick at the smartphone store?

It took a tablet.

Why did Eric and Deborahbot 5000 sit on the couch all Saturday and Sunday?

On the weekends, they like to unplug.

What kind of salad do robots like?

Anything with ice-borg lettuce!

Why did the robot throw itself in the lake?

It was using arti-fish-al intelligence.

Why did the robot take its girlfriend out to dinner in a hot-air balloon?

It was trying to update.

How do robots seal a business deal?

With a firmware handshake.

What do you get when you cross a robot and a squid?

Artificial ink-telligence.

How do soccer robots keep cool during games?

They stand near the fans!

What advice did the robot students get at graduation?

“Remember, life is full of uploads and downloads.”

What do you get when you cross a robot and a fairy-tale monster?

Version 2.0gre.

What do robot families like doing together?

Playing circuit-board games.

Why was the robot so tiny?

It was an ant-droid.

Why were the robots playing music?

They were band-droids.

Why were the robots following the Internet celebrity?

They were fan-droids.

What do you call a robot architect?

A plan-droid.

Why wouldn’t the robots go in the water?

They were land-droids.

Why didn’t the robot ever use salt or pepper on its food?

It was a bland-droid.

What do you call a solar-powered robot at the beach?

A tan-droid.

What kind of robot really believes in itself?

A yes-I-candroid.

What do you call a robot’s father’s father’s father?

His great-grand-droid.

What do you call a robot that tells too many robot jokes?

An I-can’t-stand-droid!

What do you call a robot that only goes out in winter?

A snowbot!

What’s the best kind of robot to have with you in the dark?

A glowbot!

What do you call a robot that can’t make up its mind?

A yes-and-nobot.

Why did the humans aid the robots instead of fighting them?

Because they were pro-bot.

What do you call a robot that doesn’t wear shoes?

A toe-bot.

What do you call someone dressed up like a robot?

A faux-bot.

What do you call a vanishing robot?

A where-did-you-go-bot!

What did the cashier say when the robot asked for new batteries?

“Okay, but I’ll have to charge you.”

Why did the robots sneak into the zoo when their batteries were running low?

So the rhinos could charge them.

Why was the robot bankrupt?

He had used all his cache!

What happened to the robot that was climbing a tree?

He logged off.

What do robots love to play on guitar?

Power chords!

Where does robot honey come from?

From USBees!

How are baby robots born?

They’re delivered by drones.

Why did the robot tell such boring stories?

Because it was a drone.

Why did the robot have to go to the bathroom?

Because its inbox was full.

What did the robot say when someone asked if it had to use the restroom?

“Error. Does not com-poot.”

How do robots drive a car?

They put their metal to the pedal!

What do you call the search for bugs in a robot’s system?

A glitch hunt.

How does a bugbite make a robot feel?


What do Eric and Deborahbot 5000 do when they’re hungry?

They eat a megabyte!

About The Author

Matt Chapman is the author of Programmed for Laughs, a Simon & Schuster book.

About The Illustrator

Product Details

  • Publisher: Simon Spotlight (April 27, 2021)
  • Length: 96 pages
  • ISBN13: 9781534478107
  • Ages: 4 - 8

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More books in this series: Connected, based on the movie The Mitchells vs. the Machines