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The Coitus Chronicles

My Quest for Sex, Love, and Orgasms

Published by Skyhorse
Distributed by Simon & Schuster

Think you know everything about sex? Think again! This funny and true story of one woman’s journey to reclaim her sexuality on the fringes of New York City’s sex and dating world will make you think twice about everything there is to learn about sex! 
Meet Olive Persimmon. Growing up, she looked exactly like Danny DeVito, except she was thirteen and a girl. By some miracle, she grew into a relatively normal, well-adjusted thirty-something woman living in New York City—with one notable exception: she hasn’t had sex in five years, one month, three days, two-point-five hours . . . and counting.
Faced with bona fide sex rut, she decides it's time to take action to save her love life and get her mojo back. Challenged by a friend to "say yes" to experiences she might normally avoid, Olive embarks on a series of adventures and explores everything from BDSM classes to cuddlers-for-hire, from foot fetishes to lessons with a top-ranked pickup artist, and more! Each awkward, funny, and sometimes downright embarrassing encounter brings Olive closer to discovering the power of saying yes—to herself, others, and life itself.
 For fans of Jenny Slate, this is a funny, irreverent, and honest tale of one young woman's journey to reclaim her sexuality on the fringes of New York City's sex and dating world. Readers can see for themselves how this girl next door overcame insecurities around dating, sex, and love--all with openness, honesty, and a wicked sense of humor. Along the way, readers will wonder: Will Olive ever have sex again? Will her love life be okay? Will her toe fungus come back? Does she ever find her mojo, and where was it hiding? Weaving together the awkwardness of Mindy Kaling, the candor of Chelsea Handler, and Olive’s own hilarious vulnerability, The Coitus Chronicles will encourage readers to explore their own sexuality and consider what surprises they may discover if they, too, just say yes.

Olive Persimmon decided her name would be more fun if it involved food. After a failed attempt at writing under the alias Mashed Potato Candy, she settled on Olive Persimmon. She’ s been creating content and working under that nom de plume for seven years.

“Reading Olive’s words , no matter your sexual experience, makes you feel at home. She makes you feel heard. This book is the perfect balance of laugh-out-loud stories and thoughtful wisdom about sex, love, and life. After all, we’re all just trying to figure our own stuff out.”
— GIGI ENGLE, a certified sex coach, clinical sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes

“Funny, sweet, and SASSY. Definitely a must read if you want a laugh.”
—ROSS ASDOURIAN, author of Broken Bananah

“Reading The Coitus Chronicles felt forbidden —but not for the reasons you’d expect. I felt as though I had sneaked a peek into Olive Persimmon’s hilariously funny diary about sex and dating. This book balanced poignant self-exploration (in all possible senses of the term) with sweetly whimsical humor. I hope someone puts Olive’s adventures onscreen!”
— FIONA TAYLOR, author of New Erotica for Feminists

“Think you k now everything about sex? Think again. This is an uninten­tional guidebook for anyone looking to have more, better, or just any sex. Persimmon’s not afraid to tell the truth in a way t hat’s both humorous and compassionate. It’s a must-read for every man, woman, or person trying to figure out both sex and love.”
—RADHI KAVAZ, comedian and author of Unladylike