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You Can Lead a Horse to Water (But You Can't Make It Scuba Dive)

A Novel

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A struggling family-man’s tale with satirical wit “straight out of Catch-22 and an unsung genius who might have wandered in from A Confederacy of Dunces” (Ben East, author of Sea Never Dry).

On the day of his firing, Sam Bennett packs his things, smokes a joint, then leaves a pressed ham on the glass of O’Conner Advertising.

Thus begins what seems like a downward spiral, until Sam finds himself among a cast of characters who open his eyes to a world of live streaming, skinny dipping, and grass brownies. While he still fights the occasional panic attack and drags his son-in-law out of Lake Michigan, Sam’s learning that a margarita, sombrero, and a conga line can turn even a quiet Chicago suburb into a hedonistic free-for-all.

“What have you learned from this, Sam?” Dr. Krupsky asks, sitting naked in the pool with a cigar.
​“I should dance,” Sam replies.
 

Robert Cormack spent thirty-six years in advertising before beginning You Can Lead a Horse to Water. His short stories have appeared regularly in Rosebud Magazine along with numerous other publications, including one anthology. He currently lives in Toronto, Canada.

“With a pitch-perfect ear for dialogue and a delightfully wacky assortment of characters, Robert Bruce Cormack’s novel takes his hapless hero, Sam Bennett, on an uproarious odyssey. Initially depressed and having panic attacks after being fired from his adman career, Sam’s life takes him on an outrageous series of twists and turns that include his son-in-law Muller’s get-rich-quick schemes, a foul-mouthed Mynah bird, salsa classes with his long-suffering wife, Mary, pool parties with his nudist neighbors, and plenty more. Cormack’s absurd yet dry sense of humor runs through it all: ‘Any plans for the New Year?’ Sam asks his doctor. ‘At my age, Sam? What do I have to resolve?’ What, indeed.” —Myna Wallin, author of Confessions of A Reluctant Cougar

“With a pitch-perfect ear for dialogue and a delightfully wacky assortment of characters, Robert Bruce Cormack’s novel takes his hapless hero, Sam Bennett, on an uproarious odyssey. Initially depressed and having panic attacks after being fired from his adman career, Sam’s life takes him on an outrageous series of twists and turns that include his son-in-law Muller’s get-rich-quick schemes, a foul-mouthed Mynah bird, salsa classes with his long-suffering wife, Mary, pool parties with his nudist neighbors, and plenty more. Cormack’s absurd yet dry sense of humor runs through it all: ‘Any plans for the New Year?’ Sam asks his doctor. ‘At my age, Sam? What do I have to resolve?’ What, indeed.” —Myna Wallin, author of Confessions of A Reluctant Cougar