Alex Firer is an LA–based, Soviet–born writer whose credits include The Onion News Network, The Official Handbook of the Bowieverse, and a bunch of Rick and Morty comics: Birdperson, Nimbus, Rick's New Hat, you know, all those. Buy them if you want. Are all these bios just resumes? He used to work at an opera house in Boston if that helps. Yup. Salary: $1,000,000.

Jake Goldman is an Emmy-nominated writer based in the greater Los Angeles area. You might know him from his work at Netflix and Cartoon Network, or you might know him from real life, in which case, this entire biography section is meaningless and you can just ask him yourself. Seriously, when was the last time you called just to chat? I don't know, maybe Jake's busy being a fancy Hollywood guy working on such shows as The Powerpuff Girls, Futurama, and When Good Pets Go Bad?! Maybe he thinks he's too good for his old friends from the Quarry?! Maybe he's forgotten what it was like growing up the poor son of a humble drawbridge oiler who taught him the value of a hard day's work oiling drawbridges?! Maybe he's just waiting for you to call. Maybe he's thinking of you right now. Maybe it's not too late to tell him how you really feel... Maybe... Oh! And also, you can find Jake on Twitter @TheDragoEffect.