MONDAY, JANUARY 6, 4:15 P.M. (PUBLIC)
Thank you all for your comments on my last tutorial on creating a two-tone wig! I’m glad it was useful. And you know, you can use that same technique to create more than two tones if you want to do three tones or go crazy and do, like, a million different colors. Actually, that would be difficult—you probably want to limit yourself to four or five at most.
And thanks to everyone who said I looked fabulous! You guys are the best.
Sometimes people at school or on the street try to judge me for having pink or purple or turquoise hair, or wearing glittery eyelashes in the middle of the afternoon, but screw them.
You guys understand me and always know how to lift my spirits.
Speaking of which, today was rough. I lost my voice! Totally and completely lost it—I opened my mouth, and nothing at all came out. I panicked, of course. That’s never happened to me before. . . . I’ve had sore or scratchy throats, and I’ve gotten hoarse, but never anything like this. Completely out of the blue. I can talk a little if I force it—croak like a frog, really. But what good does croaking do me when I’m supposed to be rehearsing every day? The open auditions for America Sings are only a few months away, and I definitely can’t sing like this.
It’s really stressing me out. I *have* to make that audition! When am I ever going to get another chance like this? A chance to sing in front of real TV producers from Hollywood? I need this. I know if they can just hear me, they will love me. But I *need* to be at that audition.
I’ve been working at this for so long. My whole life, really. And I can practice and post videos online and do all the little church solos I want, but none of that is going to make me a star. It’s not enough to sing just for the people here, in my neighborhood, or the handful of people reading my blog. I want the whole world to hear my voice. And for the longest time, I didn’t see how I was going to make that happen. No matter how bad you want something, you can’t just will it into existence.
But with these auditions coming up, I feel like I finally have a chance. I’m not worried about my voice or my talent. . . . Mostly I’m worried about getting up there and freezing, and blowing my only shot at being famous. That’s why I’ve been rehearsing so much.
I got permission to use the school auditorium when no one else is, and I go in there and stand in front of all those empty
seats and force myself to imagine those bigwigs from Hollywood judging me and making me feel small and insignificant. And I focus all my energy on showing them I am not small or insignificant—in letting them see the real ~**laetitia**~. The one who has a date with destiny.
But I can’t do it without my voice! That’s kind of an important part of being a singer.
I’ve never experienced anything like this before, even in a nightmare. Gramma Patty says it’s just a cold, nothing to worry about, and I want to believe her, but I’ve got to admit I’m a little nervous. My head keeps filling with all these horrible things it could be—polyps, cancer—but Gramma Patty made me gargle with salt water when I got home (blech), and now I have some hot tea with honey, and it does seem to be helping a bit. I’m going to get some rest, and hopefully, it will all be better in the morning.
In the meantime, I would really appreciate any thoughts and prayers you can send my way. This is *so* important to me, and I can use all the support I can get. Thank you!!! I love you all so much.