Cry over spilt milk. Remind them to always look happy in front of your friends. Nervously suggest they shouldn't go into the basement after dark and don't explain why. Attend parent-teacher night in a blue bunny suit."

Frederick Muench and Gregory Nemec offer a humorous account of all the little things parents can do to put the "fun" in "dysfunctional family." Parents of wayward children will no longer have to scratch their heads and wonder where they went wrong. By following this simple, straightforward manual, parents will know exactly why Susie's in rehab, John's in therapy, and Lucy's incarcerated.

In pithy, bitingly irreverent text accompanied by 60 funny illustrations, this book includes such useful tips as:

* A child can't cry or complain if his mouth is full of doughnuts.

* Gifts make up for not being there.

* Don't put your kids in your will, or they may kill you.