The Lasagna Recipe

  My name is Venus Washington. But I was born on Earth, and I’ve never been to Washington before. My teacher said a day on planet Venus is longer than a year. Mama and Daddy say one day with me feels like more than a year too. So maybe that’s why they named me that. My favorite food is cotton candy. But after that, it’s definitely lasagna. Yummy, gooey, cheesy lasagna. Regular lasagna, though. Not the one with spinach and eggplant. That kind is gross. I only eat eggs from chickens, anyway.

    Grandma said she was making lasagna today. She makes the best lasagna. Mama asked her for the recipe. But Grandma said, “If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.”

  Mama laughed and walked away. I would run away if someone told me that!

  Grandpa is way nicer. He doesn’t hurt people over recipes. He just usually sits on the porch and plays chess on his tablet. Chess is a game that grown-ups play. Grandpa says it has kings and queens and castles. But really it’s just random shapes you move around to random squares on a checkerboard. To win, all you have to do is yell “checkmate!” while you make your move. It’s literally the easiest game in the universe.

  I also have a baby brother named Zion. Zion doesn’t do anything but eat, poop, and sleep. He’s kind of like a hamster. Except that my hamster, Hamsterburger, can do cool tricks on his hamster wheel. Zion can hardly crawl.

  Hamsterburger’s best trick is he can change colors. He only did that trick once, though. It was when Auntie Bri hamster-sat him when we went on vacation. Yup, he was black when we left. But when we came back, he was light brown and white.

    Anyway, Mama said that us kids were making her have a pain in her neck. So I wanted to make her feel better by finding out Grandma’s secret lasagna recipe. My plan was to stand in the kitchen while Grandma cooked. Then I was going to write down everything she did. I just hoped she didn’t try to kill me, too.

    I was only in the kitchen for a little while when Zion started crying. Mama screamed, “Vee, bring me a diaper, please.”

  “I’m doing something!” I yelled back.

  “Venus Washington, if you don’t bring it to me this minute!”

  As soon as she said Venus, I ran as fast as I could to get that diaper. That’s because when Mama says my real name, she is mad with a capital M.

  When I gave her the diaper, she said, “Don’t make me have to call you more than once.”

  I didn’t know what she was talking about. I didn’t make her call me at all. And it ain’t my fault Zion poops more than a hamster.

  I told her I was risking my life for her in the kitchen. But she just said she wasn’t born yesterday. Obviously she wasn’t born yesterday. She’s way older than that. Then Mama told me she was going to take a quick nap because Zion kept her up all night. But she never told me why I wasn’t invited to their slumber party.

  When I got back to the kitchen, Grandma had already put the lasagna dish in the oven. Then she went into her room to talk on the phone to one of her million sisters. Oh yeah. My grandma has A LOT of sisters. And brothers, too. I didn’t know that until I went to her church. Everybody’s name was Sister something. Or Brother something. But I couldn’t understand why none of them looked alike.

  Since I didn’t get the recipe, I went outside to sit with Grandpa. I figured he was playing chess. So I screamed “checkmate!” on my way out the door to win the game for him. But when I got there, he was just reading a book.

  “What’s that story about?” I asked.

  Grandpa got super excited and started telling me about his book. When I realized there were no sharks or robots in his story, I politely told him that I needed to go back inside because he was being way too boring. Grandpa just laughed and asked me if the food was ready. Then he said, “I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse.”

  “I think Grandma only made lasagna today,” I said before going back inside.

  My belly was growling. But Grandma was still on the phone. And Mama was still in her room taking a nap with Zion. Daddy was at work. Work is like school for grown-ups. Except it’s way better because there’s no homework. And no tests. And no annoying teacher telling you your amazing behavior is disrupting the class. Plus, they give you money just to show up. Imagine that! Anyway, I called Daddy to tell him I was almost starving. And that he should leave work and bring home McDonald’s to save my life. But he just hung up the phone on me.

  Next thing I knew, the oven alarm started beeping. That meant the food was ready. “Finally!” I yelled.

  Grandpa ran inside and took the lasagna dish out the oven. After that, he turned to me and said, “Vee, go wash your hands.”

  I ran to go wash them quick fast. When I got back, there was a smoking-hot plate of lasagna on the table. Yum. Grandpa was already eating his.

  “Girl, your grandma put her foot in this lasagna,” he said with his mouth full.

  All of a sudden, I wasn’t hungry anymore.